Have you ever wondered how people feel when they enter into your home? Welcomed, at home, uncomfortable, uneasy?
. . .
I love having people over - I LOVE it! I love hosting, feeding people, hanging out, and most of all - I love it when people feel at home in my home. I want them to feel relaxed and completely welcome.I believe there are certain things that we can do to have a cozy feeling home. Atmosphere is a big one. I chose warm, neutral colours in my home, like browns, because they are easy on the eyes and create such a warm feeling - like a cup of hot coco or coffee. I love comfortable furniture, throws & pillows. And lighting...well we all know how candles, a toasty fireplace and dimmed lighting make us feel when we visit somewhere. It makes us feel relaxed and comfortable.
When I am expecting a visitor I clean like mad. Besides the basics like a swept floor, clean toilets and dusting, I tend to get right into those little areas - areas that people will probably not even look at...the closets, microwave, in between the stove and the counter (tons of crumbs), under the sink. By the time I am finished, my house is pretty well spotless. I feel good, satisfied and ready to have the visitors over. Now as people start coming in and making a mess, it honestly doesn't bother me. They saw my clean house and the rest is history. I do notice when things fall on the floor and get out of place, but it really doesn't bother me.
A friend and I were chatting about this whole clean house thing yesterday. She mentioned how one of her close friends always has people over at her place. Her house is always full and people always feel comfortable and welcome. My friend also mentioned that this friend of hers' home is not spotless - it's lived in and messy - a normal messy. I don't know what colour her walls are or whether or not she has candles lit for ambiance, but...I'm guessing not. When it all comes down to it, all those little things that make a warm atmosphere are great and may look nice, but that's all they are. They are not going to make people flock to your place. What I think WILL do that is a combination of many things. I think number one would be - YOU! What warm feelings do you give off? Are you friendly, kind, welcoming, inviting? Do you have snacks and food? What about your house? Is it so clean that people feel like they cannot take one step without feeling as though they messed something up? Do you give people "the eye" when they drop crumbs on the floor? Or do you glance down at the mess they just made?
I've been thinking and wondering about this. I wholeheartedly want people to feel so welcome and comfortable at my place, and I hope they do. But I don't know. I think that I need to lighten up on the cleaning. I don't want to be that person who scans the room for messes while people are chatting away at the table...or leans down to pick crumbs off the floor in the middle of conversation (which I did on Saturday!). I don't want people to feel like they have to apologize a million times for the mess they have left behind.
So this is what I'm gonna do. I'm going to have people over and keep it simple. My toilets will be clean, the floors swept up...well maybe...and well, I don't know. It won't be spotless. Ahhh, I am getting all anxious just thinking about that. I don't even know if I can do it.
Well, I will totally keep you posted. In the meantime, what are your thoughts on this whole subject? Do you think that people feel more comfortable in a clean home or a messy and lived in home? Do you think it even makes a difference? What else do you think make people feel comfortable in your own home?
You know what I think? I just realized something. No matter what your house looks like or how messy or tidy you keep it, if you are comfortable in your home - then everyone else will probably be too. You know? If your house is really piggy and you are totally okay with that and you're not apologizing every 2 minutes for the mess...then people will just be like, okay if she don't care, then why should I? O.k. I really have no idea. I probably should have thought this through a little more before posting my thoughts on this.
This is me thinking and processing.
13 comments:
Ok Monica,
I know it hurts thinking about not having the grout in your tiles scrubbed before guests come over but it will be ok. The bottom line is, when you feel you have done a good job, you will be happy when your guests arrive. That may mean scrubbing everything, or doing nothing at all. My best friend in the world has the messiest house ever (sam if you somehow read this I am sorry!) There is stuff everywhere, but when you walk into her home it IS home. She puts on a pot of tea, and makes the kids some snacks and usually plays me a new song that she has written. I feel at home even though I am much more anal about neatness than she is. It's you that makes people feel comfortable in your home, and you are awesom at it.
Hope we get to hang out more soon, and I can't wait to have you guys over.
Love Sarah
Sarah,
Ok, ok - you are right. I like your Sam story. It's so true though. We are the ones who make our home comfortable. But I still don't want people to be afraid to touch something or make a mess. Do you feel that way at my place?
You're really looking forward to having your own house. I'm excited for you. Are you planning your colours and everything already?
Love Trace
Hi,
Now I don't feel I can't be messy at your house. I totally would make a mess at hour home. I am excited about my own house, but it is hard to picture what it is going to look like. I like planning though. I am especially excited about the girls getting to decorate their own rooms.
I love messy houses. The stinkier the better. And if the mold on the floor looks like carpet, then take your shoes off and rub your toes in - mmmm love that mold!
lol
Here is another comment for you.
You can't guess who wrote this one.
DUHH! I wonder????? Maybe my stinky husband?!
Sarah;
Oh ya the girls will just love to decorate their own rooms, eh. It's fun for them at that age.
So let me get this right. You just said that now you don't feel like you can't be messy at my house. Does that mean that you felt like you couldn't before?
I am totally overanalysing this! I know! He-he!
Tracy,
This is a good topic and I think that you have to do what you feel comfortable with in order to have a good time when your guests are over. For me if I have lots to do and I am having people over I will sometimes feel stressed about what I will have to do when they leave. So I usually don't let that happen. I usually do all the things that I know I need to do in order to have fun and be able to relax while they are here.
I am one of those people who cleans before people come over but not insane cleaning. If the windows are smudgy that's ok with me, but bathrooms, floors, dusting, and toys must be put away at least on the main level for me to feel good.
I think you need to ask your family if they think you should tone it down a bit. Like if it's super stressful preparing to have people over or if you are completely unavailable while you are getting ready for people to come over then maybe you need to tone it down. Your family shouldn't have to suffer just so you can clean under the toaster.
That's what Jason has taught me. If I take my stress out on him then maybe it's not worth it. It's for sure not fair for him and the kids.
Your house is always very clean, yet I don't find you stressed about the mess we are making while we are there, well actually, maybe a little. But it doesn't keep me from coming over. You are a great hostess.
Love ya, Lori
Hey Trace,
I like to have a clean house too and usually go overboard cleaning...the first time someone comes over. :) After that, I just make sure the bathroom is clean. Early last year Steve suggested that we pick a room a day and spend 15 min. cleaning it up. That's helped. But, it's so true about being comfortable in your own home...comfortable with yourself; that lets guests relax.
Steve has an Aunt that I think is an amazing hostess. Her house is not necessarily neat or soothing in colour but she draws you in and puts all the focus on you. She has never, ever apologized for the state of her house, she only sees you. She always wips out the snacks and offers juice or tea and is such a warm, motherly woman. I've learned from visiting there to relax a bit on the cleaning and put all my focus on guests comfort. But, I agree that a reasonable cleanliness is needed for guests to be comfortable. I think bottom line, enjoy your company and they'll enjoy you...the house fades into the background.
By the way, when I visit you I'm not worried about you being upset if we make messes...I just know that you went to a lot of work cleaning it and I feel bad that my children quickly spread messes.
So...when can we come by again and make a big mess?
Dearest Tracy:
All the things you do with your decorating and cleaning are a lovely gift to your family and guests and the biggest and most precious gift you give them is YOU and all the characteristics and gifts God put in you to show His love to them through you.
Keep on being you!
This one touched on some issues I have so I linked your site to a blog I wrote called To Clean or Not to Clean An Addendum To Tracy's Blog (I hope you are ok with that) actually I tried to comment on this one and it did'nt turn out then by the time I got back to blogging I had so much to say that I thought I better just do my issues on another blog then comment what I thought about what you wrote to you. Ahhh all this explaining is getting confusing.
No i always felt like i could mess up your house. In fact I think we have a few times!
Lori,
I think that's wise advice. Aerie & I have talked about that before. I am much better now, but I can remember a time when I was ultra stressed the entire day while I was cleaning and my family did suffer.
I definitely clean when people come over, but I try to be sensitive to my family now. I constantly have to be aware of that while I am cleaning.
You know what Susie? That is usually how I clean my house. I rarely spend a whole day cleaning unless people are coming over. Like two days ago I cleaned both bathrooms completely. A few days before that I cleaned up my whole kitchen. I just can't spend an entire Saturday cleaning my house. I find it much easier to split it up. But I am home with the kids all day, so I think it's so much easier to keep up - I remember how hard it was to keep up on house cleaning when I worked outside of the house.
BTW, you can come by ANYTIME! I love having visitors! Everyone is always welcome.
Love u
Sarah...hey, come and mess up my house anytime! I'd rather have a home filled with friends and laughter ...and crumbs on the floor, than a quiet, clean & lonely home :o(
One of these you're going to come over and my house is gonna be a mess!
Lots of love,
t
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