. . .
- Quiet time with God praying & reading
- Quiet time on my own just doing something little like sitting somewhere with a cup of tea and a magazine.
- Deep breathing
- Exercise
- Talking about the things that are overwhelming me with Aerie or the people in my life that I am close to.
- Lifegroup - just going to our group, laughing & talking with new and old friends gets my mind off of my own problems. All the laughs I shared last night with Lori, Sarah, Susie and Cory were so therapeutic. I hadn't laughed that hard in a very long time.
- Listening to music - especially when the words ring Truth. I am listening to this one song by Jonny Lang...and I listen to it over and over and over. It's called On My Feet Again. I really love the words and it has an amazing beat.
. . .
8 comments:
This is a very big part of so many lives. I totally understand what you mean when you ask, "how much does cheesecake mean to me?"
As you can likely tell, food is a thing I deal with as well. I am just learning that like you there are some medical factors, but for the most part it is just food.
Thanks for your honesty and openness. I must say that you are the LAST person I expected to have issues around food. You have always been so slim and beautiful. I guess we are all a lot more alike than our exteriors would lead us to believe. I have always liked you Tracy, now though, because I feel I know your heart more, I have a lot of respect for you as a woman of God.
Laura,
"I have always liked you Tracy, now though, because I feel I know your heart more, I have a lot of respect for you as a woman of God."
That is probably one of the nicest compliments I have ever received - thank you.
I feel the same way about you since I've been reading your blog. There is so much more to someone than what see on the exterior. And more than anything, this is what I love about blogging - all of us just being real with one another. There is so much healing in that.
Food has been an issue in my life for as long as I can remember, oh you really have no idea...well, I guess you do now :)
It's definitely my vice - the thorn in my flesh - my handicap - the thing that I need to rely on God most for.
If I did not love food so much, I'm sure I would have struggled with anorexia at some point. Overeating and binging is as much an eating disorder as bulimia and anorexia, isn't it.
Wow, talking about this sure is humbling. It's scary when you let people see the core of who you really are.
You are such a beautiful woman of God. I love you Laura! You are so awesome!
Trace
Dearest Tracy:
I am not sure if I will send this or if I can even get the thoughts out of my head with any kind of sense that may be of some help, comfort or simply recognition for anyone reading.(and if I can do it without writing a book!! being the long winded one I tend to be) I can relate to the things you have struggled with (more than you can imagine) In my late teens I started suffering from anorexia and "exerciseaholic" to the point that I had amenoria for about a year due to how low my body fat content was. That led into bulemia for many years of my life (an absoulute shameful and disgusting disorder to suffer in silence with) There is far too much to share to get into it in detail on this blog. I was into health everything or as Pastor Barry puts it a "healthaholic" Well 61/2 years ago I went into the hospital and went through a three month treatment program for the disorders. I was one of the blessed ones for there where some people there in the program for their second and third times. In the eyes of the Drs I was healed. I no longer suffered from the whole "eating controlling my life" and I am thankful to say I have been free from eating disorders ever since but My spirit was dead!!! I had made a decision to do what ever the Drs taught me to do so I would not have eating disorders anymore even if it meant I had to spend the rest of my days obese. I was "well". My spirit was dead!!!
When I gave my life to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ the Holy Spirit filled my heart and my spirit lived again. I was truly born again. For the first year and a half of my Christian journey I was free. Instead of me living my life doing (eating) right or wrong I just followed the Holy Spirit's guidance and to my amazement my health improved (my size even changed to something closer to my proper weight range) The Lord made sure everything balanced out and I was free to move on the His work instead of my way of living. It was lovely! I was surprised when I went through a bad patch this fall to be back in a pattern of that fight of right and wrong determined by my flesh instead of the Holy Spirit determining my steps. I have discovered that there are ups and downs to our Chritlike walk and periods of testing so we can grow and heal and move on in His strength for His work. So now I am thankful that I am sensing the Holy Spirit again and that peace and joy and balance that comes form Him is back. Praise God and Thank You!
Well I need to wrap this up cause my little guy has an earache and I need to get supper but there is so much more to share on this whole topic. The Lord has shown me that when I am in His will the cheesecake is good for me and so is the health food and when I do things my way no matter how much health food I eat it is bad for me and the cheesecake becomes bad for me as well.
I do not know if this makes any sense at all but I pray it helps someone including me!
Peace and blessings I pray to you all in Jesus' mighty name:
Donna
I'm so glad that you wrote what you did here. Donna, I couldn't agree with you more.
"The Lord has shown me that when I am in His will the cheesecake is good for me and so is the health food and when I do things my way no matter how much health food I eat it is bad for me and the cheesecake becomes bad for me as well."
What you said here makes complete sense to me. Ah, I don't even have to words right now. This is what a relationship with God is about. It's not about religion and all that other stuff; it's about the Holy Spirit working in and through us and renewing us and guiding us in every way imaginable.
I think it's wise to be aware of nutrition and health, but I don't want to be a "health nut". We can't live in a health bubble - it's extreme and it's enough to drive you crazy. When you get right down to it, everything is bad for us - even the vegetables and fruit that we are eating when they are not organic, or the harmful ingredients in so many things we use daily. But we need to come to a place of trust in God - we can't live in fear. Like you said, when you're in His will the cheesecake is good for you, and when you're not, the cheesecake becomes bad. I get that completely - I don't know if everyone reading this can understand that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that most often it's not the actual food we are eating that causes the MOST harm; it's the motive behind why we are eating. I mean, yes I know that I have Candida and at this point when I eat an offensive food like CHEESECAKE (my favourite!) I get very bloated and so on. But aside from this whole Candida issue for me, I had to get to the root of why a slice of cake could never be enough - why did I have to eat the whole cake and not be satisfied with just one slice. It's hard to explain and I can't express my thoughts right now...I feel like I'm babbling. My desire is to walk in the grace of God everyday...not in my own strength, but in His.
Tracy :)
There are few things I read that bring tears to my eyes. I used to feel that I was weak because I didn't have the discipline to have an eating disorder. Does that make sense? I could never go days without eating, and I was too lazy to purge after eating. Really I am so blessed that I wasn't tormented with this scary disease. How do we get so caught up in this? Tracy, your tips on dealing with stress are helpful. Sometimes it is just best to go take that time by yourself. It can be really refreshing.
Love Sarah
Sarah:
Yeah, that makes total sense to me about not having the discipline to have an eating disorder. To be really honest, sometimes I wished I could just starve myself too. But the thing is, I have always been afraid to get too skinny - I've always wanted to be very thin, but not all bones. I could starve myself (I would call it fasting or cleansing) for a few days, but as soon as those hunger pangs got real bad, I would binge.
No matter what I wanted to be, the whole issue here is that I wasn't happy with what I looked like and how God made me. A few years ago I was in a Lifegroup...and I think that was the group that you were in as well, Sarah. We went through a book called The True Measure of a Woman. Do you remember that? God broke off a lot of bondage in me in the area of self-esteem. I used to be addicted to fasting to lose weight & I was very obsessed with the scale...weighing myself numerous times a day. When I was too heavy for what I thought was okay, I hated myself - I couldn't stand to look at my reflection. But through that whole book and meeting with the Lifegroup, God restored me and he healed my metabolism. Now this is not to say that I do not deal with self-image anymore, because I do worry about what I look like and those thoughts do come, but it is really something that I have to be conscious of on a regular basis. The mind is powerful when I catch myself thinking about how fat I look or how gross I am, right away I have to acknowledge that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! God knit me together in my mother's womb.
God has done a big healing in this area of my life. I love who God made me and I really wouldn't want to be anybody else.
Dearest All:
The Holy Spirit keeps sending me this thought to share and I am so excited when I get it. We have each in our own way described this sense we get that when we are free and clear and following the Holy Spirit's promptings to guide our lives we have sensed peace and wellness in the good and the bad (eg. health food, cheesecake) It is really life renewing. I remember when I was in hospital years ago one of the things they taught us was that (in this case) the eating disorders were "symptoms" of control issues (eg. how we have learned to "handle-or not" abusive situations (as children) stress, coping) So it is sooooooooooooooo cool when we have experienced when we are truly surrendered to God (easy to say but a constant dying to self) we have been free.
Any ways this brings many interesting ?s to my mind but to share (when are we really free to choose-like my husband says He is only one (pure) thought away-(eg. kids are not accountable because there brain function does not have the developemental capacity to understand right and wrong (they are learning). Where is the line where we are really free to choose (mental illness)? Our Bible teaches us that if we have the faith of a mustard seed we can move a mountain. So that makes me think if I just have enough faith then ....(fill in the blank)
Anyways, I am rushing here for my little one needs me (he is get over an illness) and my hubby is up so I can have some visiting with him due to the fact that it is saturday, Yeah. I am not sure if I have gotten this out in a way that will do it justice (I appologize for the rush job) I pray it stimulates some thoughts-it is for me.
Peace and blessings to you all in Jesus' name I pray:
Donna
P.S. when I do these "rush jobs" I do not have a chance to spell check which is something I need to do-correct spelling does not come naturally to me- please bear with me I pray it is "good enough"(oh I have a hard time saying that) Got to go.
Donna:
That's exactly what I think it is -> A constant dying to self. I know that I have been set free, but I am dying to my flesh every single day. Will it get easier? Do you find that it's a daily struggle?
I have gone through times where I have felt mentally ill; battling things in my mind. When the stress of everything builds up, I feel like I am going to explode and I cannot deal with all of my emotions. This usually lasts 1-2 days, and I usually get through this time by talking things through with Aerie, breaking down in tears, admitting that I cannot do it alone and that I don't want to - and then I finally asking for God's help and for his strength. I feel renewed in him and I am fine after.
It's a very strange thing and definitely something that I have not shared with many people at all. Here I am blogging about it! Oh what am I doing? :) But Donna, is this ever something that you have been through?
Love,
Tracy
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