We are not alone

I have had a few e-mails of people telling me that they are also struggling with food addiction. This is really a very common thing that many women (& men) are just too embarrassed to talk about. It is difficult to talk about. In a way it's a little humiliating confessing to any addiction. To publicly confess that something has control and power over us makes us feel weak and vulnerable. You know? But there is power in talking about our struggles. And when we feel weak, it gives God the opportunity to be strong in our lives and it also gives us the opportunity to glean from other peoples' experiences.

I know that I am going to have complete freedom over this - I just know it. I also know that I won't be perfect - that I will probably stumble along the way. But that is okay. My mind is being renewed and I can feel God transforming it. I don't want to ever forget what God is doing right now.

My desire is for you to get freedom in this area as well. If you aren't ready to talk about your struggle with food, that is okay. But for those of you who would like to share but would rather people not know who you are, there is always the option to comment anonymously.

Love,
Tracy

Cleansing my thoughts

Phillipians 4:4 states
...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent of praiseworthy - think about such things...and the God of peace will be with you.

If we consider the brain a computer, each of us has been inputting data and setting up programs since childhood. Every kind word, criticism, smile, and insult is data. A lot of that data was false. Through all of these years of corrupted data, we may have come to believe that we are fat, ugly, stupid, weak and useless. Those beliefs have predetermined our actions and have powerfully affected our thinking.

Although I have come a long way, the battle in my mind is still an area of struggle. But I am on my way to freedom :o) I am so aware of my thoughts now. Throughout my day I fill my imagination with uplifting and good thoughts and I try to thank God as often as I can.

Just a few days ago this thought came to me as clear as a bell, "you are worthless." The thought came from out of nowhere. Right away I said outloud, "I AM worth something!" I am doing this with everything. Like when I feel overwhelmed while I am taking care of the daycare, I just begin to tell the children how much I love them and how I love spending my days with them, how thankful I am to be home, how happy I am. When I am eating food that I know is good for me, I see it nourishing my body and filling me with life. When I catch a reflection of myself or glance down at the spare tire around my waist, and those "fat and ugly" thoughts come in, I refuse to entertain such lies! I tell myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I love how God made me.

Doing this alone has been helping me tremendously and it has only been a few days. I know that God is renewing my mind. And I know that the more that I think good thoughts, the better I will feel and self-discipline with come naturally.

My war with food

I can honestly say that one of my greatest desires is to feel and be super healthy. Health is a huge passion of mine. So how is it possible that I eat so badly sometimes - so opposite of what I desire. Not many people know this, but I am a food addict. It's not an easy thing to admit, but it's the truth. The more that I try to not think about food, the more obsessed that I become. But I'm on a journey; I am on my way to freedom and this is the beginning - right here, right now.

In the past I have abstained from chocolate, sweets, plus all the things that I shouldn't be eating on a Candida diet, for weeks at a time. I would eat one cookie, and then relapse with a full fledged binge. No amount of sugar was safe for me. I hated myself for being so weak, but the cycle went on. I needed discipline. I have gone on numerous, lengthy juice fasts over the years. Most of the time I would fast after a lengthy binge where I had gained weight. I could not stand myself anymore, so I would fast. After my fast was over, I would eventually blow it and destroy all the benefits of the fast. Fasting had become like a drug to me - fasting was increasing my compulsiveness. I loved the freedom that I felt during a long fast, the feeling of being in total control. Victory tasted sweet, but it never lasted. Each time telling myself that this time I would practice self-control after breaking my fast.

It is my heart's desire to eat nutritiously and to be healthy. I gradually see the scale going up yet the binge goes on. I know that these foods are harmful and killing my immune system, yet even the fact that I am jeopardizing my health, is still not enough to stop me. What compels me to raid the refrigerator when I am not even hungry? Or eat four granola bars in a row? If we honestly evaluate our decisions and actions, we will face the sobering realization that our emotions are in the driver's seat. Feelings compel us to act. When they become uncontrollable, they are defined as compulsive, obsessive or addictive behaviour.

Here Are Some Signs of Compulsive Eating:

• Thinking about food a lot.
• Eating to relieve worry or stress.
• Continuing to eat even after feeling sick from eating too much.
• Becoming anxious while eating.
• Daydreaming or worrying while eating.
• Overeating.
• Eating too fast.
• Eating everything on the plate.
• Feeling guilty when you eat.
• Eating in secret.
• Unable to eat one cookie or any treats that you really like.
• Binging after a diet.
• Hunger makes you feel fearful and uncomfortable.

I answered YES to every single one of these.

Tomorrow I am going to talk about our distorted thinking and our negative emotions.

Back from my blog fast

It's been a while hasn't it! Judging from all of the comments that I've received, it's safe to say that you are interested in hearing about my computer fast.

One anonymous reader wrote this:

I'd love to hear about your week of fasting. What did you do with the extra time not blogging? Did fasting meet your expectations? Did you recieve any insights from God? I love your honesty in your January 28th blog. I can't speak for your other readers but this reader would love to hear all about it.

I spent a lot of time in the Word, cooking more, spending more time with my husband and kids, sleeping more, etc. Aerie really noticed the difference. Usually when he got home from work every day, I would sneak downstairs and get 30 minutes or so on the computer thinking he didn't notice I was gone or whatever.

The first couple of days were harder. I was so used to running up and down the stairs all throughout my days just to check my e-mail for two minutes. It's not that I would spend a tremendous amount of time on the computer, it's more that I was beginning to feel obssessed with checking it - I was thinking about it way too much. So, fasting my computer time definitely brought some balance back into my life. As we all know, too much of one thing is not good. I desperately needed to rebalance my priorities. I did miss the computer a lot. Because I don't talk on the phone much, I keep in touch with many of my friends through e-mail. That was very hard. I felt a little isolated from that part of my life during that week. Sometimes I felt like I was missing out, but I knew it was only for a season so I pushed through.

Did fasting meet my expectations? Well, the three major reasons why I went on this fast were to... 1) Balance my priorities 2) Food Addiction and binging 3) Anger. This fast definitely started something, but it's a work in progress. Throughout my fast I had been dwelling on scriptures about love. I have been searching myself and praying for God's guidance and clarity in these areas of my life. I am learning where my anger is rooted and where it comes from, but like I said - it's a work in progress. I am really excited because I know that what I am going through is going to bring about complete freedom. The battle is in my mind - my thoughts.

Our Valentine's Day date

We had been antipipating this evening for days. Ethan had a sore tummy before we left and was still sick with an awful cold, but he still wanted to go. So we did. As soon as we were seated, we exchanged gifts. This kept us pleasantly occupied until our food arrived.
Ethan and Titus couldn't wait to get some Bugs 'n Cheese at Boston Pizza; Ty was especially excited! When the meal finally arrived - Ty thought it was just the most amazing thing! He dug right in and didn't come up for air for quite a while :)


I had the most amazing time with my family. I love spending time with them. they are the best!

Happy Valentine's Day!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE...

What do you LOVE to do on Valentine's Day?

Shout out!

A special hello to these beautiful women: Ranelle S, Christine H, Sarah Mac...
What do these 3 women have in common one might ask? Well, all three read my blog...and all 3 DO NOT comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He-he-he! I dare you to comment! I double dare you to comment! Am I putting you on the spot? Who else can I add to this list?

:o)

Love you guys