Pure and Simple...

I was reading one of my last posts where I shared about my challenges as a daycare provider. I was having a hard week and I don't at all regret what I shared with you all because I am only human, and I go through my rough days like everyone else. But I just want to let everyone know that yes, as challenging as running a daycare can be, there is a whole lot of wonderful things that I love about working with all these beautiful kids! Here are just a few of the reasons why I LOVE being a daycare provider:

- I am learning to appreciate all the simple things in life. Kids find joy in the simplest things...and a lot of that rubs off on me. For example, I say: "we're gonna make candy apples today" or "let's put our coats on and play outside" or "snack time!!!" or "who wants to colour!" or "let's go check the mail" ...and they all jump up and down and cheer - kind of like how we adults would act if someone handed us a million dollar cheque. The purest and simplest things excite these children.

- ALL the cuddles & hugs! I get tons of hugs X 5 every day!

- Not a day goes by where I don't laugh, smile or dance :)

- Imagine spending your entire day with people who think you're hilarious? Sometimes I feel like a stand-up comedian...only my audience laughs at ALL of my jokes :)

- NAPS. All the kids in my care nap from 12:30 pm to 3:30 pm ...and they love naptime. Now this gives me lots of time to BLOG!

- Watching them grow and learn.

- Celebrating their accomplishments however small they may be.

- Seeing the fruit of what I've sown into them.

- Feedback. There is nothing quite like feedback from the parents. One morning this week a parent of one my little girls told me that on their way over, their daughter said, "are we going to Tracy's house?" and when the parents said yes, she said "yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" When I heard that it really made me feel good.

- Giving these children a comfortable, safe, healthy, fun and loving environment makes me glow. Who needs makeup?

Love,
Tracy

Happy Birthday Amber-Lee!

Ten years ago, our family was blessed with a beautiful little girl - my niece - Amber-Lee.

I have two sibblings - a brother named Joey, and a sister named Angela. I was about 22 years old when my best friend and sister, Ange, gave birth to Amber-Lee. I instantly fell in love with this beautiful baby. She was the prettiest baby I had ever laid eyes upon and she was what some of us moms call "an angel baby"...loved everyone and was happy and easy going for the most part. I loved her like my own.

When I look at Amber-Lee I wonder where the time went - it seems like just a short while ago she was running around in diapers. Over the years I have watched her blossom into a kind, precious, thoughtful and beautiful child of God.

I love you so much Amber-Lee and you will always hold an extra special place in my heart!

***

Amber-Lee Rose's Favourite Things:

Colour: Ice blue
Movie: Highschool Musical, Grease
Music: Kelly Clarkson
Food: Pizza
Drink: Coke
Desert: Chocolate rolo ice cream
Talents: Singing
Animal Fetish: Monkeys!!!
Passions: Playing soccer, Bratz Dolls, fashion and clothes, shopping, stuffed animals, singing, reading, camouflage
Best Friends: Leah & Jessica
Dream: To meet Zack from the movie Highschool Musical...and to become a singer and be in a movie like Highschool Musical.

A little something not many people know about Amber-Lee: Amber-Lee was saying words like apple, duckie and Elmo clearly by 8 months of age, by a year old she knew many words, and by one and a half years old, Mike and Ange could hold a conversation with her. She's a smart little cookie!


Love,

Your Auntie Tracy

What is Joy?

Joy is more than happiness. The word happiness comes from the root hap which means "chance." Where happiness is circumstantial, Joy is not. Joy is an unshakable confidence in the truths of God, despite circumstances...despite circumstances! When our children see an unshakable confidence in the life of one who knows God personally, they are impressed and drawn to know him themselves.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength today!

You Have Searched Me and You Know Me

"For you created me in my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Psalms 139: 13-16

Imagine how much God loves us? Despite whether or not our parents "planned" our birth, there is such peace in knowing that God planned your birth, and he planned my birth. He knows everything about you and I. He knows our thoughts, our struggles, our future - he knows it all! Sometimes I feel like I am alone in my own little world. I often feel like nobody really understands me or knows me. I feel like I cannot let people into my world. I do feel alone sometimes, but I know that I am never alone. I know that God cares about me and loves me just the way that I am - the way that he made me - flaws and all. He knows me. Even when we feel alone, like nobody really cares or loves us, God has laid his hand upon us. He will never leave us alone.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139: 7-10

I thank you God that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you for never leaving me alone...and for your perfect love. There is no one else like you, Lord.

Perfection When It's Not So Perfect

Two Thursdays ago I realized that it was the day before the Curious George colouring contest on CBC Kids. The boys sort of wanted to be in the contest, but I REALLY wanted them to be. For those who know me, I just love winning - especially when there is a prize involved :) . So I tried to get the kids all excited about the contest, "yay yay"...Ty was excited with me and right away he started drawing a picture of Curious George...and then he coloured another picture of Curious George. Meanwhile, Ethan was sitting on the couch watching TV. I kept asking Ethan to draw his picture and told him that we were going to run out of time. My plan was to get it mailed out by 9:00 a.m. so that it would hopefully get to CBC by the following day. So finally Ethan dragged himself to the table and started scribbling. I was sitting right there watching him like a hawk. You see, normally Ethan is this boy who takes pride in his drawings - he likes his pictures to be perrrrrrrrfect! I was giving him this look like, "what's that?" Then I told him, "look Ethan, if you don't want to do this then just say so!" (hoping he wouldn't say "I don't" and walk away) I gave him a new piece of paper. So the whole time, as he is colouring this picture, I was watching him and even trying to choose the right colours for him and tell him where to put his balloons. Poor kid. I felt a sense of disappointment as he was colouring. His drawing wasn't good enough for me - for this contest. I wanted it to be perfect. I started judging his colouring and comparing it to Ty's. I could see that Ty put a good effort into his drawing...in fact, I wondered how it could be that Ty's drawing looked even better than Ethan's (who is 21 months older).

So he finally completed his drawing...and we were able to mail them out. But I couldn't stop thinking about how silly I was behaving. I was making such a big deal out of of this whole colouring contest - at Ethan's expense.

I later apologized to Ethan. Forgiveness is not always easy to ask or give. Saying "sorry" to our children can be difficult. We want to appear perfect in their eyes. But showing that we are imperfect will help our children accept that they are also imperfect. When we model forgiveness, compassion and acceptance for our children, they will learn how to willingly accept, generously give and graciously forgive - a perfect way to handle imperfection.

This whole ordeal also made me think about the gentleness and gracefulness of God. God does not demand perfection from us. He lets us make mistakes, and through those mistakes we learn (although sometimes it may take a few times). I don't ever want my boys to feel like they have to do things perfectly, and I don't ever want them to feel like I never make mistakes. Not one of us is perfect; we are only made perfect in Christ.

Philippians 3:12

Question

I've been thinking about the last post I wrote "Thanks God". I have a question for you. How would YOU feel as a parent if your child was in my care and you read my last post...talking about how I don't exactly love what I'm doing, and when it gets to be too much I even feel like I hate it.

Please be completely honest - I love honesty...even if it's brutal.

Thanks!

Love,
Tracy

Thanks God

I'm so I'm blessed to have this time to myself right now. Today has been a rough day. My mom called today and asked me how I was doing and I told her that I hated doing daycare. I think back to just a few years ago when I was approaching the end of my Maternity Leave. Ethan was almost a year old and it was time for me to return to Corrections Canada. Just the thought of returning to work and leaving Ethan with someone else put me to tears. I was in a perpetual state of distress - knots in my stomach - no peace. It's all I could think about. I prayed and begged for God to make a way for me to stay home with Ethan. But the time came, and I had to return to work. Although we were incredibly blessed to have Ethan taken care of by his nanny - my mother in law - it still felt like my heart was being ripped out. For as long as I can remember, I always imagined that I would be able to raise our children at home and I was so angry that I wasn't able to do so. So I got pregnant really fast - I thought, the sooner I get pregnant, the sooner I go back on Mat Leave. So about 8 months after I returned to work, I was off on Maternity Leave again. I was thrilled! So happy - off for a whole year with both my boys. A couple of months before my Mat Leave was about finished, that knot in my stomach returned. I was still praying and litterally begging God to make a way for me to stay home with my boys. We decided to move out of our condo into a bigger home in Orleans. And this is when I began my journey as a daycare provider. I was so excited and felt so blessed to have this opportunity to be home with the boys...and I was so thankful that my prayers were answered.

So now here I am, about one and half years later...home with my children...and pulling my hair out! The only thing that keeps me grounded is God. I can never forget how I felt when I had to drop Ethan off every morning at his Grandma's house. That helpless feeling...and all the tears, ah! I love being home with my boys - I love being here for them and I wouldn't have it any other way, but this is hard work! I didn't know it at the time, but this is a sacrifice - a huge sacrifice. This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It truly is. That is, looking after other people's children. I will just leave it at that.

So here I am at home. I don't exactly love what I'm doing...and when it gets to be too much, I even feel like I hate it. I think to myself, why would God put me here if I dislike this so much? Why is this soooooooo hard?

The first thing that I need to do - and that I always seem to forget when things get hard - is Thank God. In my heart I need to thank Him. I thank Him for blessing me, I thank Him that I am home with my children. Secondly, I need to be really mindful of my thoughts. Our thoughts have so much power! When I go through my day telling myself how much I hate doing what I'm doing - there is power in that. Children will act according to our mindset. It is much easier to align ourselves with negative thinking. This is something that I, personally, need to do constantly throughout my day - discipline my thinking. You see, I am really doing this for God. He's who I'm working for. I need to back up and recommit what I'm doing unto the Lord, and He will change my mindset and give me His presence. I choose to love and look after these children as if I'm doing so unto the Lord. If Jesus was sitting here with us throughout our day, how would I act?

When I discipline my thinking, my whole perspective changes and all of a sudden I feel like, hey this is not so bad? I could do this for another few years - no problem. Then tomorrow comes...and I start all over again :)

Love,
Tracy

My Friend...

This is Lori...
She is my Beautiful, Wonderful, Inspirational, FUNNY, and BEST e-mail Friend! There is no one like Lori. I love her very much and I cherish our friendship.

She has a great blog that I read everyday- You can check out here.

THE McPICS

I Dare You to Smile!

This is a little something that I read in my Mom's Devotional today.


A Mom's Version of 1 Corinthians 13

Though I lecture and harp at my children and have not love, I will be a background noise to rebellious thoughts.
And though I wisely warn them not to use to street as a playground, or they'll be killed; and though I patiently explain why snails live in mobile homes, and I give endless answers to life's other mysteries; and though I have faith that can remove mountains of ignorance - yet never hug my children - I have taught nothing.
And thoughI slave over a steaming stove with balanced diets and complicated recipes and even burn my fingers - yet never smile as I serve - I have not really fed them.
A truly loving mother suffers through unfinished sentences, clutter, nicks on furniture, sleepless nights and adolescent insults, and is kind enough to think her kids are the greatest. A loving mother tries not to resent her children for being free like she used to be, and she doesn't brag about how she never talked to her mom that way.
Real love considers a childish nightmare more urgent than her need for sleep; is not shattered by the title "Meanest Mom"; doesn't shame a toddler who breaks training or a teen who still spills milk; steadfastly refuses to entertain visions of escape; and does not smirk as her child trips over a toy he refused to put away (but with silent wisdom rejoices in the effective lessons of experience).
Mother-love has arms strong from lifting, a heart large with believing, a mind stretched with hoping, shoulders soft with enduring, and knees bent with committing.
True mother-love never fails to point her child to the Author of Love.

***

It's 2:00 pm, all the kids are napping and Ethan is off to school. I finally have some time to myself. I needed to read this today. I caught myself today. I caught myself preparing snacks, lunch, tripping over toys, struggling to clean what seems like a bottomless pit of dishes and laundry, wiping snotty noses, poopy bums, spilled drinks and food, unclogging a poopy toilet (not mine!), breaking up fights, asking the kids to do something and them not listening...I caught myself doing these things without a smile on my face - without love. These are not fun things to do in the first place, but when my attitude is not in the right place, these things are almost unbearable. Sometimes when I feel this way I just force myself to smile. It's really hard to force a smile - a real big smile with your eyes - and not feel anything inside. When I do that and the kids see me smile, they instantly smile back at me. Go figure? And then that totally brings out a very real smile on my face. Putting on some happy music has a way of changing my attitude as well. It takes the focus off of me...off of how overloaded or discouraged I am feeling - and brings such a fun and light atmosphere into the room. Like all the kids I know, mine love singing and dancing, but most of all, they LOVE to see their mommy (and Caregiver) smiling.

Take a moment today to just love someone - give them a hug, a simple little smile...because actions always speak so much louder than words.

Little Known Facts About Tracy

1. MAIDEN NAME? Tracy Hall
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. My parents thought I was a boy and were going to name me “Jimmy” – Surprise!! When I came out they said I looked like a Tracy. I think they were right.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I cried over the weekend. I don’t even remember why…it was that time of the month and I was emotional over something.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I do, but only when I am not rushing…my handwriting is awful when I am writing quickly.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? I don't love lunch meat, but Montreal smoked meat & oven roasted turkey breast is what I would choose.
6. KIDS: 2 boys + 1 step-daughter
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? I have a journal that I use to write down what I eat each day, the supplements I take, and when I workout. And blogging is my online journal.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Not a lot, but I do occasionally.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No way
12. FAVORITE CEREAL? I don't eat cereal, but my favourite is Quaker Harvest Crunch with almond milk – YUM!
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Rarely
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? No I'm not very strong physically, but I'm a rough player. I can dish it out, but I can't take it.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Well that would depend on my mood. I love vanilla Haggen Dazs bars coated with chocolate and almond pieces
16. SHOE SIZE? 6
17. RED OR PINK? Pink, but Red on Fridays
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? My stomach
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I really miss my brother & my family in Florida
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Sure!
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Pink fleece pants & no socks
22. WHAT DID YOU EAT LAST? A bowl of steamed green beans and carrots with melted butter and sea salt.
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of peace and quiet (all the kids are sleeping)
24. IF YOU WERE A COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? White. But I love chocolate brown and neutrals to decorate my house.
25. FAVORITE SMELL? Mmmmm…CHOCOLATE! And I love the smell of fresh linen and burning wood in the fireplace.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My sister, Ange
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Mysterious looking, nice smile and cleanliness.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, and I really miss you Celine!
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Water. I also love freshly squeezed carrot, apple and lemon juice - YUM! And I like Elderberry/Cranberry Tea, oh and Oolong tea as well.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? The only real sport I play is beach volleyball. I like it. I'm not the best, but it's fun just to get out and play. I love to work out at home.
31. EYE COLOR? Brown
32. HAT SIZE? Small
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope
34. FAVORITE FOOD? I just love pizza! Gabriel's. I also LOVE hummus and Taboulé...delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Definitely happy endings
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE CINEMA? The Illusionist
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? The beginning of Summer until it gets too muggy…and allergies start. And I love the first few snowfalls and then I am so ready for Spring.
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Love them both – they remind me of how much I am loved
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cheesecake, and also chocolate with almonds…YUM!
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Heather, Nat, Lori, Renée, Jodi, Diane, Danielle, Andre
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I’ll have to go with Michelle too! He-he!
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I’m not reading any books right now, but I am always going through my Focus on the family – Baby and Child Care book. And of course my bible.
44. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t have one
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Desperate Housewives
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? I love the sound of my dad singing and playing his guitar
47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles if I had to choose
48. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Hawaii or Mexico…whichever is further away.
49. WHEN & WHERE WERE YOU BORN? December 4, 1973 - Ottawa
50. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT? BC

Why Are We The Way We Are With One Person But Not Another?

A little while back I received an e-mail game from a friend where we are supposed to forward it to friends and describe them in one word. I love stuff like that, so I sent it to many friends. I love getting compliments and it's so neat to hear how others perceive you. Some of the different ways that my friends described me were: graceful, funny, caring, loving, quiet and gentle spirit, someone I can count on, beautiful, giving, sweet, quirky, kookie, dork (<- I think that one was a joke). Each of my friends described me differently. Then a strange thing happened. I got an e-mail from another friend who described me as "vague - as in reserved, unclear, confusing personality, hard to read...that kind of vague". I wrote her back right away and asked her if she was serious. I thought she was joking. She was serious. I wrote her back and told her that she makes me that way and that was pretty much how I would describe her too. We came to the conclusion that we are both like that with each other, but not like that with everyone. What I find so interesting, and the question that I would like an answer to is, why are we like that together? Why is it that I am easy going, relaxed and funny around people that have a good sense of humour and are relaxed? Why do reserved people make me feel uneasy? I think that I am shy with people that are more reserved because they are hard to read and you just never know what they are thinking. It's such an eye opener when someone tells you that you make them feel that way too - that you make people feel uneasy. When people are shy or quiet and don't use their words, the people around them have to rely on their body language. I guess sometimes my body language is unclear, reserved, hard to read...and maybe even confusing. So, what do I do with this now? How can I change? I want to be real with people and I want people to see me as who I am. But I would like to have the type of personality that makes people feel comfortable. I don't know if I ever will. Anyway, my friend went on to say "I guess I am only capable of being as open as the person I am talking to". I also feel like that sometimes.

Anyway, I would love to hear some input from people who do not struggle with this - from people who are open and not so reserved. Do you have any suggestions or stories to share? I would also love to hear some input from people are are reserved and quiet, hard to read - and hear what they think about all of this?